1 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,360 With the all-hands-on-deck 2 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,880 harvest frenzy nearly upon us, 3 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,640 I had to work fast to complete all the other projects 4 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,080 I'd started earlier in the farming year. 5 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,760 And so, with the sun continuing 6 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,440 to blaze down from a cloudless sky, 7 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,640 I decided to begin with what I thought 8 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,560 would be the coolest job of them all. 9 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,960 Seven hundred glass bottles. 10 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:51,960 Helping to set up 11 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,320 our newly-finished water bottling plant. 12 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:58,880 This is a speed James May would call supersonic. 13 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:05,720 Like your hat. 14 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,120 Groovy, right? 15 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,760 I then discovered that housing the bottling plant 16 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,680 in a metal shipping container 17 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,080 hadn't been my best idea. 18 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,520 It's too hot for words. 19 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:19,160 Okay. Hang on. 20 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,040 Let me just show you how it finishes off. 21 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,920 48.6 degrees at that, at head height. 22 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,720 -Okay, and then... -48.6 degrees. 23 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:29,120 Okay, look, I'm gonna show you how it kinda works. 24 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,240 There we go. There's two going. 25 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:33,320 The weight is a little under. 26 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,440 Okay, that one is perfect. 27 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:39,000 Then you take a cap, Jeremy, okay? 28 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:42,280 Screw that on, keeping an eye on over yonder. 29 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,120 And then you go to the hot box 30 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:49,920 and go like that 31 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,160 and then you're just a quick second in here. 32 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,480 -Ooh, is that the labelling? -Yeah, but I haven't-- 33 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:54,800 There's a bit of-- 34 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,680 Oh, look, there we go. That worked. 35 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:57,640 -No, it didn't. You've made a mess. 36 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,040 -I didn't. No, it's perfect. 37 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,200 It's not perfect. - No-- 38 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:04,520 And then I take it off. 39 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,200 Any more bottles? 40 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,520 Okay, I need some more. 41 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:18,160 Okay, and then, oh... oh, okay, that's not good. 42 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:21,160 Um, and then, sorry. Je-- 43 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:24,800 In your own time. 44 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,040 There, a bottle. 45 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,320 -49.7 degrees. - It's really hot. 46 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,760 If it reaches 50 degrees, 47 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,360 we're allowed to go on strike. 48 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,800 -It's hot. -Holy shit! 49 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,000 Finally, though, England reverted to type. 50 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,400 The end of the drought 51 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,880 was all anyone in the area could talk about... 52 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:20,280 I think. 53 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:22,960 I don't have to hear about 54 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,640 your one with a bigger... 55 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,160 What have I put me head into here? 56 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:34,240 Well, you know, I mean, I've done... Yeah. 57 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,000 Excellent. All right, thanks, Gerald. 58 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,240 I went down the side of old Green Wood 59 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,320 on the old electric fence. 60 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,440 I mean, that was, like, you know, for horses. 61 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:43,360 Okay. 62 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,560 So up there, the guinea pig, two of them there was 63 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,240 and they tried to get out before I could get in the gate 64 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,880 and I thought, "Oh, my God, they will be acting the goat." 65 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:50,800 Yeah. 66 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,280 Well, not at your age now you wouldn't. 67 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,480 Brilliant. All right. We'll let you get on. 68 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:57,440 Okey-dokey. 69 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,600 I then headed for the farm shop 70 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:07,480 where Lisa had been hard at work and finding new things to sell. 71 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,800 It's an actual shop. 72 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,000 I know. Smell the strawberries. Aren't they delicious? 73 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,200 No, no, no. Don't eat them. 74 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,880 -Oh, they're so good. -Unless you want to buy them. 75 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,040 And cakes. 76 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,920 Loads of cakes. 77 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,080 Holy cow! It's a proper shop. 78 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,360 Piccalilli, I love piccalilli. 79 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,600 Fruity chutney. God, we've got everything. 80 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,040 Yes. The milkshakes, I've sold, 81 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,880 and they apparently are delicious. 82 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,560 -So, we've got cheese, milkshake... 83 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:36,360 Cream. 84 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:40,240 Oh, my word! 85 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:42,360 We've had a run on the sausages. 86 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:45,200 Sausages, bacon. -Yeah, yeah. Sausage rolls. 87 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,120 Rump steak. -Yep. 88 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,160 Burgers. God, wait until the camp site. 89 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,000 -You know they're reopening on the fourth? 90 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:51,640 -Yes. 91 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:53,920 Can I... Can I just ask? 92 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:57,600 Simple question. 93 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,320 You know the planning permission 94 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,000 says everything has to come from within 30 miles? 95 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:02,920 Yes. 96 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,760 That it has to be a local shop for local people? 97 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:06,720 Yes. 98 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,440 Is this a Cotswold pineapple? 99 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,640 No. No, but I was low on stock. 100 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,880 -Oh, and these avocados. -Yes. 101 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,800 Again, not that local. 102 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,480 No. Well, they came from one of the shires. 103 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,120 -I'm not sure which one. -You know, eating two of these-- 104 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,120 They don't come from a shire, they come from South America. 105 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,040 Shire. 106 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,600 Eating two of these does more environmental damage 107 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,960 than driving a Volkswagen Polo for a year. 108 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:33,920 No way! 109 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:37,760 That's bad. I'm not gonna stock avocado anymore. 110 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:41,440 So, apart from those eggs, 111 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,360 okay, there's nothing in here 112 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,840 that I can see which is from our farm. 113 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,320 Well, meet me halfway. Give me anything. 114 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,080 -Grow something, make something. -I am growing things. 115 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,520 Do something. I've nothing in here from you. 116 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:59,600 At that moment, His Cheerfulness arrived. 117 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,720 Hello. -Hey, Charlie. 118 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,240 Charlie. 119 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,720 Wow! This looks absolutely fantastic. 120 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:06,840 It's good, isn't it? 121 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,720 Well, just 'cause Lisa's done something, you like it? 122 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,520 No. -That's what it is. 123 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,720 It looks... genuinely looks smart, doesn't it? 124 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,000 Uh, how local are the pineapples? 125 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,320 Cotswold pineapples. 126 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,480 Are they really? Avocados? 127 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:20,560 Cotswold. 128 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,720 And... and what about margins? Have we-- 129 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,920 We haven't really done a budget, have we? 130 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:26,600 I like budget. 131 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:27,840 -You know how I like-- - I know. 132 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:28,960 I like to know that the bottom figure doesn't have... 133 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,400 -I'm working on about 40%. -Okay. 134 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,000 It's 40% on everything? 135 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,160 More or less. -Okay. 136 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,760 Ever the gentleman, 137 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:42,320 Charlie then had a quiet word with me out of Lisa's earshot. 138 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,400 So, just on pricing, 139 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,680 -with a 40% markup... -Yeah. 140 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:53,120 Wholesale price of strawberries £2.80, 141 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,400 sold for £3.50, 70p. 142 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,000 It's 25%. 143 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,640 That's Lisa's maths. 144 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,880 So we ought to just-- I'm not blaming-- 145 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:05,840 I didn't know. 146 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:06,720 No, I'm just saying 147 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,000 that they learn differently in Dublin. 148 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,160 -Maths. 149 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,920 Well, we just need to check that we've got 150 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:12,720 appropriate prices for everything. 151 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:13,600 Okay. 152 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,960 On the subject of Lisa's plea 153 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,560 for more farm produce, 154 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,240 there was something I could do, 155 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,160 because my quarter of a million bees 156 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,240 had had enough time to make some honey. 157 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,840 Burn, baby, burn! 158 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,280 I'll have no biting from you today. 159 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,040 Here we go. 160 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,120 When I got stung last time I was here, 161 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,280 my foot throbbed for four days. 162 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:50,560 I mean, really throbbed. 163 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,640 And then itched so violently 164 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,080 I wanted to saw it off, my whole foot. 165 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,560 Here we go. Look at all that bee juice. 166 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:03,000 Holy Mother of God, that's a lot of honey. 167 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:06,720 Excellent. 168 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,720 Oh! So exciting. 169 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,080 I've just thought. 170 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,160 I'm going to be driving back 171 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,000 and all the loose bees are going to go in the car. 172 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,800 Yeah, not much I can do about that. 173 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:23,720 Oh, shit! 174 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,560 Oh, Christ! 175 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,640 I've got one in my suit. 176 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:29,600 How the fucking hell's that happened? 177 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:30,520 Argh! 178 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,200 And it's stung me right in the arse cheeks. 179 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,080 Oh, this really, this is bad. 180 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,120 Agh! 181 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,720 Having taken a brave pill, 182 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,520 I stacked up the remaining trays 183 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:47,280 and set off with my unwanted passengers. 184 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,000 Oh, I can hear them. Listen. 185 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,360 How can it be legal to drive 186 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,160 with a beehive in the back of your car? 187 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:01,640 Agh, I can feel that buttock growing a third buttock. 188 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,160 Worst journey of my life. 189 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:09,760 Talk among yourselves. 190 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:14,040 I am just applying Wasp-Eze to my own arse crack, 191 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,600 'cause the crew won't do it. 192 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,200 I just don't believe this. 193 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:19,760 A lot of bees there. 194 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,760 With my third buttock now numbed, 195 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:28,440 I started to sort out my bee juice. 196 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,760 Look at this. Look at that. 197 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,600 A slab of beeswax, which could be used 198 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,000 as furniture polish, floor polish. 199 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,040 Percussionists use it to make tambourines 200 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:41,720 make a better sound. 201 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,440 It's used in accordions. 202 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,160 Madame Tussauds, they made 203 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,240 all their waxwork models out of beeswax. 204 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,600 The wax, in the olden days, 205 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:55,320 used to sell for 14 times more money than the honey did. 206 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,080 My next task was to extract the honey 207 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,320 using something called a spinner. 208 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:05,360 Look at this. 209 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,120 The important thing here is to be gentle, 210 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,640 so you get the honey without damaging the honeycombs. 211 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,320 This is all honey down in here. All honey. 212 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:21,960 Um... 213 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,400 Oh, God, look what's happened here. 214 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,520 But, despite the damage... 215 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,400 Look, look, look, look, look, look! 216 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,240 My first jar of bee juice. 217 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:48,200 The next day, with the honey all packaged up, 218 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,520 I picked some of my vegetables. 219 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,000 Look at this. 220 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,640 Whoa! That is vivid. 221 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:56,960 And then, laden down 222 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:00,000 with actual produce from my own farm, 223 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,000 I proudly headed to the shop. 224 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:04,440 Oh, wow! 225 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,640 Right, so that's the first batch of honey. 226 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,680 I've got more coming later. And then... 227 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,080 Oh, wow, how did you do this? 228 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:11,200 Chard? 229 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:15,400 Oh, you've brought it in a bag from our closest competition. 230 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,120 Oh, God, I have. 231 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,880 It's a very fine food shop 232 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,840 half a mile down the road. 233 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:21,840 The honey is fantastic. 234 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,440 How much do you want to sell it for? 235 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,760 Well, I saw in Daylesford the other day, 236 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,840 half that was £20. 237 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:28,760 Half that? 238 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:32,600 And it was £20. I think you can easily go... 239 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,640 -£7? -For those-- No, more. 240 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:35,920 -Really? -Yeah, more. 241 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,360 I've worked bloody hard for that. 242 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:38,800 I've been stung twice. 243 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,640 I'm not selling it for £7. 244 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:41,640 £10. 245 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:42,800 -£8.50. -They stung-- 246 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:43,880 No. 247 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,200 Sorry, are we holding you up? 248 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,760 Sorry, there's a customer. 249 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,400 Then the price issue got even worse. 250 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:54,680 A lady's just come in. 251 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:55,000 She said, 252 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,040 "Well, I'll give you £6.50 for it," 253 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,320 and Lisa said "Fine." 254 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,200 She just happened to capitalize on an argument 255 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,480 and now she's getting that honey for £6.50. 256 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,440 Yeah. They arrived in this morning. 257 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,000 It's just, this isn't how Asda is run. 258 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:15,640 They don't ask the customers how much they'd like to pay. 259 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,440 -Yep. - Do you take cards? 260 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,200 We do. Only cards now. 261 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,160 Oh! 262 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,920 Yes. Um, if you'd like... 263 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,960 Whilst I was having a sulk, 264 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,040 Kaleb arrived in his new toy. 265 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,840 Oh, look at this. 266 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,200 That's actually very cool 267 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,280 and I just heard you go by earlier. 268 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,720 -It does make a good sound. -It's nice, isn't it? 269 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:43,480 Nice. 270 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,600 So, this was your styling then, the black bonnet, black roof? 271 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:48,560 Yeah, black bonnet, black roof, black spoiler. 272 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:50,560 I bought the new spoiler for it. 273 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,560 -I had the windows tinted as well. 274 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:53,560 -Of course you did. 275 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:57,120 So, basically, when I bought it, two days after having it, 276 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,640 driving out of Long Com at 60 miles an hour, 277 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,960 this comes up like that, folds over that. 278 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,120 That bit here was bent in. 279 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,080 What, the roof? 280 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,280 Yeah, the roof was about that far from my head in the cab. 281 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,560 -What, just from the bonnet? -From the bonnet. 282 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,320 Why did the bonnet catch give up? 283 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,200 Because apparently it's a thing 284 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,480 you've got to look out for on these. 285 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:15,360 They rust away. 286 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,040 And this is your first proper car, isn't it? 287 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,320 It's my proper dream. This is my dream car, this, 288 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:20,400 ever since I was a kid. 289 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:21,880 -What, you wanted a 350? -A 350. 290 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,200 My only slight concern is this is a GT car. 291 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:26,840 -A Grand Tourer. -Yeah. 292 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,280 A long-distance car. 293 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,680 But since you never go further than three miles 294 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,360 from where we're standing now... 295 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:33,400 Yeah. 296 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,960 -Where's the furthest you've been in it? 297 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,200 -Um, Banbury. 298 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,120 -Ooh, 12 miles. -Twelve miles. That's it. 299 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,840 What, and then you got scared? 300 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:41,920 Then come home. 301 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,760 Also. Are you wearing a hairband? 302 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,640 Yeah. A hairband to keep my hair out of my face. 303 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,000 Is that because 304 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,480 -you haven't had a haircut for-- -Yeah, for ages. 305 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,760 On the 27th, though, I'm getting it permed. 306 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,200 You're going to drive around in this car with a perm? 307 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:57,200 Yep. 308 00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,800 -Watch out, Chippy! 309 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,920 After Vidal Sassoon had left, 310 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,640 I went into the woods to see my wasabi plants, 311 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:21,640 which I'd decided were now ready to be turned into cash. 312 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:28,200 Sadly, though, the recent heatwave had taken its toll. 313 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,480 Um, as you can see, 314 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,040 everything I've planted at this end of the bed 315 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,520 has not just died, but totally disappeared. 316 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,040 It's got 27 plants, 317 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:45,040 which means 73 have died. 318 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,320 This end, where there's still 319 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,640 quite a lot of water coming through, 320 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,920 things aren't too bad, though. 321 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,120 Oh, yes! 322 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,440 Look at him. 323 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,840 Hello, look at the size of him! 324 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:02,560 The good thing is, 325 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,320 all the restaurants recently re-opened 326 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,480 and the chancellor is even paying people 327 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,560 to go and eat in them, 328 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,560 so I can get that down to London, 329 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,320 get it into some Japanese restaurant 330 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,320 and they'll be amazed. 331 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,680 Because I was so busy, 332 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,800 obviously I couldn't spare the time to go to London. 333 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,880 But, luckily, I knew just the man for the job. 334 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:35,320 He'd only been to the capital once, on a school art trip, 335 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,960 and he'd been so scared 336 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,080 he hadn't dared get off the coach. 337 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,800 But he's all grown up now and, at the very least, 338 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,160 I figured the trip would give him 339 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,160 an opportunity to drive his new car. 340 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,080 But no. 341 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,160 A few things you're gonna need to know. 342 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,040 Have you got your ULEV? 343 00:15:59,120 --> 00:15:59,960 What's that? 344 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,320 Ultra-low emission. 345 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,560 That diesel engine was made before 2015, yeah? 346 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:04,480 Yeah. 347 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,920 So, you're gonna need to pay that congestion charge. 348 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:10,240 You're gonna need at least 15 apps for your parking, 349 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,680 for all the different companies. 350 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,840 And every single thing you can do in the countryside 351 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,200 you can't do in London. 352 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:19,920 If you get stabbed, right, they won't have that on CCTV. 353 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,720 You make a cheeky left, they will. 354 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,160 How the fuck do I pay 355 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,640 an ingestion charge and stuff like that? 356 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,240 -What is that about? -You make a call. 357 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:27,160 I can't just-- Why can't I... 358 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,440 But don't make a call while you're driving. 359 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:29,560 Why would you do that, then? 360 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,120 Or you can do it on an app, 361 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:32,760 and the ULEV as well. Don't forget that. 362 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,040 It's about 28 quid to drive into London in this. 363 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,360 Well, it's free round here. 364 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:37,920 Yes, I know everything's free around here. 365 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:38,640 Every single thing 366 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,160 you can do around here, everything, 367 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,440 you can't do in London. 368 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:44,920 I think we've got the jobs a little bit wrong today. 369 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,480 Go to London, sell wasabi. 370 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,760 Don't take less than £300 371 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,280 and I'll see you back here tonight. 372 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,680 -£300 per kg? -Yeah. 373 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,680 -All right. -It's valuable. 374 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,160 See you tonight. 375 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,320 Yeah. 376 00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,720 He's genuinely nervous. 377 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:02,760 In 100 yards, 378 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,080 turn left onto Church Road. 379 00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:08,200 This route avoids congestion on A40 in London. 380 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,040 You are on the fastest route. You will arrive at 9:29 a.m. 381 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,760 What? 382 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,680 There ain't congest-- congestion. I'm in Chadlington. 383 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:21,880 -One mile. 384 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:24,920 One mile for what? 385 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,280 All right, here we go. 386 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:31,560 I am officially leaving Chadlington. 387 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,640 My palms are really sweaty. 388 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,040 Like, really sweaty. 389 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,200 Going on the motorway? Eh? 390 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,880 Right, here we go. 391 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,480 -Continue on the M40 for 27 miles. 392 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,520 M40 for 27 miles? 393 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:58,160 Jeez! 394 00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:59,960 If Kaleb thought things were 395 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,640 bad for him, they were worse for me... 396 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,960 ...as this is the time of year 397 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,560 when farmers apply for their grants. 398 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,880 This meant I had to tell the government 399 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,880 exactly what I was growing. 400 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,720 That meant paperwork. 401 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,080 I've been looking forward to today, 402 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:22,720 'cause I love form-filling. 403 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:23,720 Yeah, yeah, it's quite 404 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,200 a useful few hours, because, um... 405 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:27,280 Hours? 406 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:28,960 -Yeah. - So, this form... 407 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:29,880 Yeah. 408 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,320 ...which is hundreds of pages long... 409 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,920 It's 22 pages long. 410 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,800 I've got better things to do with my time than this. 411 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,320 -But it's... We've got-- -How much do they pay? 412 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:42,760 Because whatever it is, 413 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,040 I'd rather pay it myself than fill in a form. 414 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,320 Really? 415 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,080 -360 hectares you have... -Yeah. 416 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,920 ...and they'll pay you £220. So that's £82,000. 417 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,480 Right, I'll fill in the form. 418 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:53,160 So, the first thing we'll need 419 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,760 is a farm map. So, there's the map. 420 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,160 And there are certain codes. 421 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,640 So, you see that that there says... 422 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,000 AC66. -So that's wheat. 423 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:02,960 Why is it wheat? 424 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,280 Because that's the code for wheat, Jeremy. 425 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,280 -What's AC17? -Maize. 426 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,800 -What's PG01? -Permanent grass. 427 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,560 -What's WO25? -Those are woodlands. 428 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,520 Have you ever flown into a really, sort of, 429 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,320 let's say developing world country 430 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,960 and they give you a massively complicated immigration form? 431 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,920 -Burma, for example. -No. 432 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,440 And you know when you fill this in, which takes an hour... 433 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,200 or Cambodia... they put it in the bin. 434 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,000 That's what going-- We are-- 435 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,800 This is developing world nonsense, this is. 436 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:32,800 So... 437 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,240 Right, so there's how many fields 438 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,080 on the farm? I've forgotten. 439 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,280 Uh, there's about 42. So, there's Dead Man. 440 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:39,400 -Yeah. -So... 441 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,760 -So, we have to go... -That's got wheat in it. 442 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,560 Yes, but it's got last year's crop in it at the moment, 443 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,920 which was oil seed rape. So, we have to go through this. 444 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:47,920 But it's got wheat in it. 445 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,880 Yes, but as far as the government are concerned... 446 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:51,640 Well, it hasn't. It's got-- 447 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,720 I know it's got wheat in it. I've seen it. 448 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,200 They don't know that yet. 449 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,800 You have to be accurate, Jeremy, about... 450 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,200 Meanwhile, 70 miles away, 451 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,320 Sir Ranulph had finally arrived 452 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,720 in the center of a COVID-quiet London. 453 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,480 Not that he saw it that way. 454 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:13,440 Where am I? 455 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,800 In there, in here? What is going on? 456 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:18,880 In 100 yards, 457 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,960 use the second from the left lane 458 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,480 to turn left onto Piccadilly. 459 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,480 Then use the second from the left lane 460 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,400 to turn slightly right onto Duke of Wellington Place. 461 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,440 What? No, not a chance in hell. I'm going straight on. 462 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,800 -At the roundabout turn left. 463 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,640 Turn left onto Constitution Hill. 464 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,760 -Take the first left on the roundabout. 465 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,960 I don't understand. Don't keep telling me to turn left! 466 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,560 -Turn right into Grosvenor Place. 467 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,400 -What are you beeping me at? 468 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,640 Dickhead! 469 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,720 Hello. Just cut right in front of me, why don't you? 470 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,160 -From the right lane, 471 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,800 turn slightly right onto Piccadilly, 472 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:50,960 then use the left two lanes 473 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,720 to turn left to stay on Piccadilly. 474 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:56,200 What? No, no, no, no. I need to go there. 475 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:58,640 Sorry, friend. 476 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,480 Congestion charge. Jesus! 477 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:02,800 Ultra-low. 478 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,880 -Turn left onto Old Park Lane. 479 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,880 Great. No left turning. Ah, you're fucking having me on! 480 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,040 I'm meant to go left down there. I've got to go left here. 481 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,200 I am looking for a restaurant called Nero. 482 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,320 Nero, Naro, 483 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,320 Nero, Noro, Naro. 484 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:25,800 Eventually, Kaleb found 485 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,920 the restaurant he was looking for. 486 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,960 All right, where do I park? Come on, park. 487 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:36,440 Pay by phone. 488 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:41,800 027125. 489 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:42,720 Sorry. 490 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,920 We're unable to park you in this location 491 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,560 as its restrictions do not allow your vehicle type. 492 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,800 Please look for alternative parking locations nearby. 493 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:51,560 Thank you for calling 494 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,720 Westminster's pay-to-park service. 495 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,560 To find out more available ways to pay, 496 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,360 change your card or vehicle details... 497 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,400 What is going on? 498 00:21:58,480 --> 00:21:59,880 ...or download VAT receipts. 499 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,840 Please visit www... 500 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:08,280 Enter your card's expiry date 501 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,840 exactly as printed on the front of the card. 502 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,440 To find out more about alternative ways to pay, 503 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,880 change your card or vehicle details or... 504 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:16,880 Shut up. 505 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:18,760 Right. 506 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:21,480 That's that done. 507 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,320 Ten quid just to park here for an hour. 508 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:25,480 Hello. 509 00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:30,360 What are you doing? 510 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,040 Trying to open the door. 511 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:33,720 Why? 512 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,280 I haven't got any gloves and it's London. 513 00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:38,560 How are you doing? Are you all right? 514 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,560 I've got some wasabi for you... 515 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:41,960 -Oh, la, la, la, la, la. -...off the farm. 516 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:42,880 Yep. 517 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:43,880 So... 518 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,160 Jesus! 519 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,680 Have you tried your wasabi? 520 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,920 -To eat? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. 521 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,280 I like it. I didn't have it on any fish, mind. 522 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,040 I had it on, like, a ready salted crisp. 523 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:02,240 Yeah. 524 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,240 I'm more like a roast dinner chap, you know? 525 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,120 -Mm-hmm. -A proper roast dinner. 526 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,280 Well, we try, yeah, your wasabi. 527 00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:12,360 Nice, like, creamy. I can smell. 528 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,000 Nice one, nice one. Very good, very good. 529 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:18,800 And do you want to buy the wasabi? 530 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,560 Are you interested in-- 531 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,600 Not too much. Not too much. 532 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:24,360 If you look at it, though, 533 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:27,240 it's top-quality Chadlington wasabi, that. 534 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,080 Quality good, right. 535 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,160 But the wastage, there's so 536 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,920 much wastage because of the size. 537 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:34,800 Yeah. 538 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:36,160 So, we need to have, like, a bigger 539 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:37,880 size, otherwise, like, too much. 540 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:39,440 -Too much waste? - Yeah. 541 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:40,920 Ah, right. Okey-dokey. 542 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,680 -Well, thank you very much for everything. 543 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:43,760 -Thank you very much. 544 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,520 -I'll try my best to grow a bigger one. 545 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:46,600 -Good stuff. 546 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:51,400 Oh, no! 547 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,280 Sixty-five quid? 548 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,120 Full charge 130 quid? 549 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,000 Oh! 550 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:10,960 With Kaleb 551 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,240 losing the profits he hadn't made, 552 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:18,680 I was busy regretting planting so many different vegetables. 553 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,520 Broad beans, beetroots, chard, peas, swede, 554 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,520 kohlrabi, turnip, cabbage, leeks, pak choi, 555 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,240 rhubarb, broccoli, cauliflower, kale and marrow. 556 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,560 Yeah. Now, the government has a code, 557 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:31,360 obviously, for all of those. 558 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,680 -Yeah. -Broad beans has got a code? 559 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,080 Broad beans has a code. 560 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,400 -I have to look those codes up. -Yeah, look them up. 561 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,760 And then tell them exactly how much. 562 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,280 What do they want it, in centimeters? 563 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,480 -Square meters will be fine. -Square meters. 564 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,400 You've got to do it to four decimal places. 565 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,080 If you see, we've got four decimal places. 566 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,600 They want it to with-- They want it that tight? 567 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,600 Yeah, it's very accurate now. 568 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,360 Can't you just write vegetables? Can we guess? 569 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:55,360 There isn't just-- 570 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,080 Uh, you could, but then if you're wrong, 571 00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:01,160 they might implement a penalty, 572 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:01,560 and, you know, 573 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,640 they have got eyes in the sky now, 574 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,680 so, you know, there's satellite images. 575 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,400 Are you telling me 576 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,360 the British government 577 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,480 is photographing my farm from space 578 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,680 to see what I'm growing and doing with it? 579 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:15,840 Absolutely. 580 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,280 Desperate to make some money from the trip, 581 00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:25,880 Sir Ranulph, aided by his chatty satnav... 582 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:27,600 Harley Street, then turn left onto... 583 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,920 ...was now looking for the next restaurant. 584 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:30,920 Turn left onto 585 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,000 Curzon Street, then turn... 586 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:36,040 Head southeast on Stanhope Row towards Shepherd Street, 587 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:37,960 then turn right onto Hertford Street. 588 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,280 Oh, my God! 589 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:42,800 Turn left onto The Mall. 590 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,160 Oh, look at that. 591 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,040 Is that where the Queen lives, in there? 592 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,640 At the next restaurant... 593 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,080 What have you got to offer? 594 00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:59,360 This is the wasabi 595 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:00,920 that's grown on the farm in Chadlington. 596 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:01,960 -Do you know where Chadlington is? 597 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,720 -Chipping Norton? -No. 598 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:07,080 Kaleb was in full salesman mode. 599 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:11,280 I've been told, come away from my boss, £300 a kg. 600 00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:13,840 £300 a kg? You're dreaming, mate. 601 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,080 Let's have a look here and see 602 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:17,720 what you've actually managed to produce, eh? 603 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,000 Yeah, let's have a look. 604 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:19,880 -So, there you go. 605 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:21,160 204 grams. 606 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,520 Really, if you're gonna clean it down 607 00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,240 you've probably got more like 150 grams, let's be honest. 608 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,240 Yeah, all right. 150 grams. 609 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,680 -What's that? A tenner? -Eh? 610 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,160 I'll give you ten quid for it, mate. That's a good deal. 611 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,400 I reckon we do a deal. Go £15. 612 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,320 -I'll give you ten, mate. -Twelve. 613 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,920 Ten it is. 614 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:39,920 Okay, deal. 615 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,760 It just cost me £10 to park. 616 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:43,600 There you go. You pay your parking for free. 617 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,160 In 200 yards, turn left onto 618 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,560 Lancaster Place. A301. 619 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:56,800 Uh, we are off to the Shard now. 620 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:58,480 Something called the Shard. 621 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:02,120 I want to get in there, get it sold, get out of there, go home. 622 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:03,280 I've had enough. 623 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,280 This is probably a good time to reveal 624 00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:12,160 that the only thing Kaleb hates more than cities is heights. 625 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:16,920 Oh, don't tell me that's the Shard. You are winding me up. 626 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,480 Oh, Jesus! 627 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,720 Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! 628 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,360 Oh! Don't look at the levels, 629 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,000 don't look at the levels, don't look at the levels. 630 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,840 32nd floor. 631 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:37,680 That's horrible. 632 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:40,920 -Doors open. - 633 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:46,320 Still, at least the trip was completely pointless. 634 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:48,640 £25, 100 grams. 635 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,400 -Let me digest that and I'll-- - Yeah? 636 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:53,960 Yeah, I'll give you a call. 637 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,360 -You're sure you don't want to buy it now? 638 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,680 -Unfortunately, not now, no. 639 00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,880 Shit! Okey-dokey. Cheers. 640 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,000 -Mum. 641 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,040 Hello. My signal is bad. 642 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:07,040 I'm up the Shard. 643 00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:08,520 Ever heard of it? 644 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,400 It's like a big building in London. It's not very good. 645 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,560 It's like 1,000 feet up in the air. 646 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:15,880 Look, I've got to go, all right? 647 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,800 Who was that, Kaleb? -That was my mum. 648 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,160 She was worried about me. 649 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,600 She's seen me on the family map thing and said, 650 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,360 "Why are you in London?" I'm like, "I'm up the Shard." 651 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,240 She goes, "Where?" "The Shard in London." 652 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,960 I must admit, it's quite a nice view, actually. 653 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,040 It would be better if there was, like, a farm, fields, hills. 654 00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,240 Are you all right? -No, not really. 655 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,280 Today I have made... 656 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:48,120 nothing. 657 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:57,440 After Kaleb's failure to sell the wasabi in London, 658 00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,040 we put it in the farm shop... 659 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:01,800 where it rotted. 660 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,200 And that wasn't the end of the bad news. 661 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:07,040 God above! 662 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:11,520 Because Lisa's definition of local produce 663 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,400 had come to the attention of the authorities. 664 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:19,200 I've had an annoying email from the council 665 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:21,800 which says that, um, 666 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,680 the stuff we sell in the farm shop 667 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:26,120 has to be from a producer 668 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:27,360 based solely within 669 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:30,040 West Oxfordshire's district boundaries 670 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:33,560 and they're saying that some of the pâté 671 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,120 and cheese and what-have-you 672 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:36,360 is from Gloucestershire. 673 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,520 I mean, there's a pandemic going on. 674 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,160 Millions of people are unemployed. 675 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,760 We have a little business that 676 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:45,320 now has five people on the payroll, 677 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,800 we're supporting local farms and local businesses 678 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:49,960 and now we have to have 679 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,280 an enforcement case opened on us. 680 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,320 I mean, God, give me strength! 681 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:03,000 Fortunately, I had already had a genius idea 682 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:06,200 for making the produce very local. 683 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:10,480 All right. I put the bee honeycomb stuff. 684 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:15,320 I'd decided to turn my spare beeswax into scented candles. 685 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:16,600 Oh! 686 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:21,040 Taking my inspiration for the scent from a Hollywood A-lister. 687 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:23,600 What do you think of that? 688 00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:27,480 And not just lavender. 689 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:30,600 A spring onion. 690 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,440 Just a hint of broad bean. 691 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,280 And there we are. 692 00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:43,760 Let that set. 693 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:51,000 At the shop, Lisa was delighted with the results. 694 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:56,560 You cannot label that "This smells like my bollocks." 695 00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:58,680 You just can't. 696 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:01,280 Gwyneth Paltrow has made a fortune 697 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,440 from her candles which smell like her... 698 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,000 vagina. 699 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:06,200 Do you think these will sell more 700 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,760 because it smells like your bollocks? 701 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,240 I've also-- Look, "These beeswax scented candles 702 00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:11,720 were handmade by Jeremy Clarkson. 703 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:13,360 You'd never know it, but it's true," 704 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,560 and I've signed it to prove I made them. 705 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,120 Meanwhile, down at the trout pond, 706 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,560 Kaleb, now safely back in his natural habitat, 707 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,720 was busy protecting another source of revenue. 708 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,760 I am putting a fence up. An electric fence up. 709 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:36,360 We've seen a couple of dead fish on the side. 710 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:42,760 Oh, poor fishy. It's got some puncture wounds on it. 711 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:47,400 So, Jeremy put a trap camera down here 712 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:50,240 to see what was causing the fish to die. 713 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,200 Turned out there was an otter. 714 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:58,360 So, I'm putting up an electric fence 715 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:01,000 around the outside of the pond where the fish are, 716 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,640 to try and stop that otter getting in. 717 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,840 But we've also had to put this up because 718 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:07,120 the heron keeps coming in. 719 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,120 That's another thing that will take a fish. 720 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:12,920 So, I've had to put this fence up, 721 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,800 put the owl up to try and scare the heron away... 722 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,560 and put a metal man up 723 00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:22,640 to try and deter him as well. 724 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,600 There's a lot of work in fish. 725 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,280 A week later, my local pub 726 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,760 agreed to put our trout on its menu. 727 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:38,680 So, I went down to the pond with a net, 728 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,200 feeling weirdly conflicted. 729 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,040 -The only reason this fence is here... 730 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:43,680 -Yeah. 731 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,760 ...is to stop the otter eating the fish, 732 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:47,840 so we can sell them to rich people in the pub. 733 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:48,760 Yeah. 734 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:50,880 The whole point of this was wilding. 735 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:54,560 I then decided I didn't really care about that, 736 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:56,160 so we got to work. 737 00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,080 You throw some food in. 738 00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,280 Put the food in first? 739 00:32:59,320 --> 00:32:59,960 -Yeah. 740 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:01,080 Yeah. 741 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,320 Then I'll be ready to pounce with the net. 742 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,520 Fish, fish, fish, fish. 743 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:07,720 You can't call them. They're not like dogs. 744 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:08,840 Well, I do normally. 745 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:10,880 Right. You can see where my net's gonna go in? 746 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:11,080 -Yeah. 747 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:12,640 -That's where you've got to chuck it. 748 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,440 I need to get them food first. Fish, fish. 749 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,560 No. Fish, please, please. 750 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:17,160 -Will you just put it where the net is? 751 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:18,880 -Okay, fine. There. 752 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,040 -Thank you. -See, they know you're there. 753 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,640 They don't-- They're not Stephen Hawking. 754 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:30,240 Shit! 755 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,000 -Ready? -No. 756 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,400 Steady and go. 757 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:40,120 Oh, dear, I think I've got some. 758 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:41,200 -Oh, well done. 759 00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:42,120 Oh, my God! Yeah, I've got like... 760 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:43,840 Quickly, in the bucket, before they do dying. 761 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:44,960 ...eight. Oh! 762 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,720 Thanks to my accuracy with the fish food, 763 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,080 Lisa had landed a good catch. 764 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,920 That's awesome. My God, they just look delicious. 765 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,560 Now we've got to get them to the pub. 766 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:56,920 Come on, because it's lunchtime in a minute. 767 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,000 Okay. 768 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,520 They've got to go in there and then, hilariously, 769 00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:06,320 the law of England says they have to be oxygenated. 770 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:07,840 So, I have to have an oxygen tank 771 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,520 to keep the water oxygenated 772 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,760 for the, what is it, six-minute journey, 773 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,160 seven-minute journey to the pub 774 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:14,920 where they're going to be killed. 775 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,080 Right. 776 00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,000 Very steep. Sorry about this, fishes. 777 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:26,120 Come on, car. You know you can do it. 778 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:27,680 You know you want to do it. 779 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:38,480 Delivered fish before, of course, in, um, Mozambique. 780 00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:40,800 That went well. 781 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:45,520 All right, it's heavy. 782 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:50,000 Vincent, look what I've got. 783 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:51,160 Wow! 784 00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,400 Just caught them a minute ago. 785 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:54,880 -Trout. -Baby trout? 786 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,840 Well, you say that. Succulent. 787 00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,480 That's the one. That's got the-- 788 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,120 you can just turn him over. 789 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,680 That's where the heron's beak nearly got him, 790 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:06,400 so he's a lucky fish. 791 00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,480 Not for long, not for long. 792 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:11,280 And they're two quid each. 793 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:11,960 -Let's get them inside then. All right. 794 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:13,440 -All right, you do that. 795 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:15,320 -Yeah. -All right, chaps. Bye, fish. 796 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:16,520 Yeah, take care. 797 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:23,360 As June ended, my new farm projects 798 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,760 were starting to tick over quite nicely. 799 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,080 -Hello. How are you? -Hello. I'm good. You? 800 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:32,160 Good, good. Fine, thanks. 801 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,400 Super. I've got some bags here. 802 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:37,760 Thanks to a brief respite from lockdown, 803 00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,440 more people were visiting the farm shop. 804 00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,400 It's really good to be finally open. 805 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:47,440 And the pub had more customers for our trout. 806 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:54,040 However, these ventures were all sideshows 807 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:56,520 compared to the main event. 808 00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,640 The engine room of the farm. 809 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:01,640 The crops. 810 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:05,400 Which had been in the ground now for eight months. 811 00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:41,280 For most of that time, 812 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,960 nature had been a vindictive bastard. 813 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:49,480 But somehow, the barley wasn't all completely ruined. 814 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,280 Actually, it looks okay. It looks pretty good. 815 00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,800 Given the year it's had, you know, it was late drilled. 816 00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:01,640 -Very late. -Really wet. 817 00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:03,040 Very wet. 818 00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:04,400 Really dry. 819 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:05,680 Then it was very hot. 820 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,600 And actually, you know, it's a perfectly good crop of barley. 821 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,920 Charlie then announced that harvesting was imminent. 822 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,320 Probably four or five, five or six days away. 823 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:17,040 -There's a bit of green on the stem. 824 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:18,120 -Oh, really? 825 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,960 Yeah. This is the worst bit. The middle. 826 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,840 The rest of it is pretty ready. 827 00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:23,080 -Really? -Yeah. 828 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,480 We then moved onto the next crop. 829 00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:31,320 So, this is oil seed rape, as you well know. 830 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:32,320 Yes. 831 00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:35,360 And these are the oil seed. They come out of the pods 832 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,800 and they should be nice and black all over. 833 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:39,360 Mmm, it's a few days. 834 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,640 It's probably a good ten days away yet. 835 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:42,760 -Ten days? -Ten days. 836 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,640 -And then we can harvest it? -Then we can harvest it. 837 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:46,880 Excellent. So, is there 838 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:49,120 anything else left to do with this? 839 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:50,880 Kill it, to make sure it's dead. 840 00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:53,160 I'm sorry? 841 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,600 Well, I know it sounds a little bizarre. 842 00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,760 The rape is dying naturally and the top is ready, 843 00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,880 but the bottom is still very much alive. 844 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:04,960 But you're saying you want to kill off 845 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,640 the living bit of the oil seed rape? 846 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:07,800 -The living bit of the oil seed rape. 847 00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:08,200 -Why? 848 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,160 Because it will, 849 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,200 it just makes it easier to cut the crop. 850 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,480 So, what does a combine do? It comes on, cuts it there. 851 00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:16,320 It cuts that, so that'll, you know, the knife. 852 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:17,280 Right, which could do that. 853 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:19,040 Or do you want it-- Is it easier when it's dead? 854 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:20,160 -It's easier, much easier when it's dead. 855 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:20,840 -Okay. 856 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:22,200 Much, much easier when it's dead. 857 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:25,680 And we're not killing the seeds, because the seed's encapsulated. 858 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:27,760 So we just drive a harvester through it? 859 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:29,000 Yeah. Have you got one? 860 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:31,440 -No. We're gonna rent one. -Very good. 861 00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:32,640 -So, you've got a contractor coming in? 862 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:33,080 -Yep. 863 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:35,400 -A few things to be wary. -Yeah. 864 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:36,880 Moisture. 865 00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:38,280 -Moisture? -Moisture. 866 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,440 It needs to be between six and nine percent. 867 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:42,960 So, moisture is the main thing 868 00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:46,560 and the contractor will possibly want to just say, 869 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:48,960 "Oh, it's only ten and a half percent, 870 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:50,160 we'll come and combine," 871 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:51,840 and you say "No." 872 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:53,280 I said you say... 873 00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:54,280 You say? 874 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,360 -I won't be here. -Can you imagine-- Can you-- 875 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:58,000 What do you mean, you won't be here? 876 00:38:58,080 --> 00:38:59,800 -I'm going on holiday. -What? 877 00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:01,400 Well, you'll be fine. 878 00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,000 You don't need me by then. You'll be fine. 879 00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:04,360 -I do need you. -You'll be fine. 880 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:05,160 Hold on a minute. 881 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,280 All this and then it comes to harvest... 882 00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,840 I'm no use. Like, what do you want me for? 883 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,040 Well, how am I gonna be able to tell 884 00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:12,760 whether that's got three 885 00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:14,960 percent moisture or 17 percent? 886 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,000 Well, you put it in your moisture meter. 887 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:18,920 Is there a moisture-o-meter for that? 888 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:20,560 -Have you not got a moisture meter? 889 00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:21,960 -No. 890 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:23,160 Ah. 891 00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,040 Oh, God! 892 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:28,800 My first harvest. 893 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:30,880 This is so much harder. 894 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,160 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! 895 00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:34,520 Wait, wait! Whoa! 896 00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:38,440 I have no idea. 897 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,160 Twenty lorries you should have organized. 898 00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:41,280 Twenty lorries? 899 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,080 Twenty lorries. And it's gonna rain tonight. 900 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:44,520 You've fucked up.